For our movie reviews in freshman rhetoric, we were to told to “love it or loathe it.” I’m kind of an either/or person anyway, so no problem there….

I don’t mind What About Bob?. However, the kind of movie I prefer is the one that has me in a nauseated worry, wondering if anything is ever going to happen.

Chris Hicks of Deseret News says the film “provides an awful lot of laughs,” and calls the performances of Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss “engaging.”

Actually, Bill Murray plays a psycho (named, creatively, Bob) and all he does is show up in the movie. A lot. Mr. Murray is famous for his improvisations, so we are left with wondering why a scene of—oh, say, drowning himself within the first ten minutes couldn’t have been possible. As for Richard Dreyfuss, he plays a doctor who hates Bob. A lot. Which means all Mr. Dreyfuss has to do is rant and rave in his barely-out-of-the-eighties shorts and his knee-high socks. His performance makes us remember with a wistful sigh how close he once was to being eaten by a giant rubber sharkie.

What About Bob? is so boring, it hurts. The lack of plot outside of Bob is terrifying. Bob pursues the doctor, he pursues everybody, he pursues the place where flesh crawls on your arm. He’s like mushrooms in your front yard, something you might like to kick the head off of, and then you turn around and find him—jeepers—still talking. If you end this movie laughing, it’s only because you think the men in white carrying you away are so darn funny.