There was a time when I was blind,
And I thought I would like
This musical marathon.
There was a time when I lost my mind
Cuz this movie was tripe,
And I thought, “Oh, sheesh, get on.”
There was a time when it all went…
Long.
I squirmed and feared that I would cry
When Russell Crowe, he started singing.
I feared that he would never die;
I feared his toes would keep on clinging.
And Hugh Jackman (lots of hair)
Is just a mean, controlling father
Too paranoid of stuff “out there.”
(Does this make sense? Why even bother?)
Then the lovers come at night
(Please excuse my snide guffaw);
Eddie’s jaw, it looks too tight,
Amanda sings—no, it’s a Chihuahua.
The revolutionary youths—
This humanistic pathos play!
Of course the underdogs must lose;
Our pity’s their pass to heaven. Yay.
I had a dream this film would be
So different from this schlock I’m seeing,
So different now, I could have screamed:
Les Mis, you’ve killed the dream I dreamed.
